unmarked airplanes buzz the air and you’re falling off that cliff somewhere

This past week was nice. I feel the same as I did about this time last week in the sense of being a little bit disconnected from everyone, but somehow I also feel stronger. I’ve taken on a ketogenic diet and this completes my first full week doing so. I’m still adjusting to it all (had to pick up potassium tablets to make up for an obvious lack of it in my diet), but for the most part, I’m feeling great. Learning all kinds of new recipes and enjoying the results–no more craving energy drinks every single day, feeling alive on my own, and jeans fitting loosely. I don’t see any reason to stop anytime soon, and this will change the way I eat (hopefully) forever.

Craig took me shooting again on Saturday. What a feeling. We spent the whole weekend together. Again, what a feeling…

I’ve really been missing having my own place lately. Today, my roommates were gone and it was so nice to spend the day working in the kitchen by the bay window, looking out in between spurts of motivation to watch the sky grow darker. It was nice to have the kitchen to myself; I cooked so much today: chocolates, cheesecakes, steamed broccoli and cheddar and chicken. And for the first time since I moved here, I actually camped out in the living room, curled up on the couch, and watched some TV. I miss being able to do that in a place of my own–not feeling like I have to be holed up in my room all day (not that I don’t love my room), but just having that option to do otherwise. And decorating. GOD, I miss decorating.

But the way I see it, I made a choice when I gave up my place (while giving up a lot of other things in the process). I made sacrifices because I think they will be better for me in the long run. By living here, I’m not tied to a lease, which means I can leave anytime. I have roommates so I can afford to travel pretty much wherever I want and whenever my schedule allows. This should all be okay with me, but lately it hasn’t been.

But then I remembered how I felt in early August, and how all I wanted was to find a place–ANY place–to stay for the fall. And how relieved I was when that happened just in time. Thinking about that has helped a lot. Now if only I could go ahead and let hindsight remind me of some other things that I probably ought to be reminded of…

Tomorrow is my one day back to class/work and then I’ll be off for six days for Thanksgiving break. I know I’ll regret it, but I don’t plan on accomplishing a whole lot (if anything) during my time off. I’ll come back and frantically be pulling stuff together–final research papers, client projects, etc etc–but oh well. I’m ready for the semester to end, and it’s going to end and I’m going to pass regardless of whether I work over the break or not. Might as well enjoy things, like getting to spend a Thanksgiving with my Grandma’s side of the family for the first time in forever, and getting to go to Louisville to see my dad and baby sis. But ah, I’m gonna hate my life this time next week.


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