by faith–if not by sword–I’m gonna be restored

I’ve been feeling more distanced than ever (ok, maybe not ever) from things lately–but in a good way. Sometimes, “distanced” isn’t even the right word for it; independent, maybe–in the best moments of the day. The funny thing is that I can’t really pinpoint why I’m feeling this way, but I’m enjoying it for the most part. I’m focusing more on myself than ever–choosing reading and writing for fun over pushing myself through readings for school (and not even feeling guilty!) and taking days of my weekend to accomplish absolutely nothing. I’ve also been purposely less nice to people lately, mostly because I walked out to my car the other day to find my driver’s side mirror gone. I guess that’s what I get for parking on the street…but dammit, it’s a pretty wide street. I guess I just don’t understand how somebody could do something like that and then drive off. I guess I have a conscious. I also guess I shouldn’t.

The semester is quickly coming to an end, and even though I’ll have Thanksgiving break next week, I feel like it might not be much of a break at all. So many projects cultivating, culminating at once. And while it’s exciting (for the first time probably since undergrad, I’m feeling really invested in the work I’m doing), I’m also extra-overwhelmed. Not that that’s anything new. But I know that in just a couple of days, Craig will be here and then I’ll go back to school for a little bit and then I’ll be doing Thanksgiving at my Grandma’s downriver and then going to Louisville for Thanksgiving at my dad’s and then to Indiana. Not sure when I’ll find the time to be productive in between, but I always seem to manage somehow. Still, by the time I get back from break, things will be due and the semester will be really coming to an end. Results/portfolios/final drafts/accomplishment.

It probably doesn’t help that I just embarked on a Keto-diet yesterday; Ash has been keeping with one for almost a month now, and it’s amazing to see how well it’s working out for her. She has a huge amount of energy (which I could use) and she looks great. And since the diet doesn’t really restrict much aside from carbs (the amount of reading up I’ve done on this diet is obnoxious, but I’m glad to have the info), it’s really not so hard. I’ve been eating lots of yummy foods, but the drastic cut in carbs is killer on my body. I was looking back at my food diary from about this time last month, and on any given day, I’d take in close to 200 carbs (almost 10x more than what I’m restricted to now). So, while my body adjusts to the decrease in carbs and the increase in fat/protein, I’m left feeling all kinds of sick and drained…which makes it difficult to get anything done. Like, I would have killed for an energy drink today.

The possibility of spending the upcoming summer on the road is becoming more and more of a possibility, thanks to some good conversations I’ve had with Ash lately. It’s nice to know that I have someone to travel with. And not only that, but someone I know I’ll enjoy traveling with because we’ve already been all over the place together, lived together, and been on the same page since the third grade. I’m really looking forward to it, and trying to begin saving up for it all (if random car repairs and other shit could stop getting in my way in the meantime, that’d be fantastic.)

It’s so funny how people fall into/out of our lives…it’s something I’ve been taken aback by for years. Just when you think someone’s gone for good, they’re not. And just when you think you’re pretty much on your own, you realize that exactly the opposite is true and you rock out to Del Shannon classics and drink and talk all night.


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