“walking home I was talking to you under my breath saying things I would could never say directly/I heard a siren on the highway up ahead and kind of wished they’d come and get me.”

Today, I registered for Winter semester–something that I wouldn’t have seen myself doing a month or so ago. I guess I feel like owe to myself to give it one more shot (I have a stupid fear–not of regretting things I do but of regretting things I didn’t do). So then the more I think about it, the more apparent it becomes that there are some pretty big implications that come along with having registered for those classes. There’s really no turning back after finishing this year; I’ll be about 2/3 of the way through my program. It seems like it’d be such a waste to stop then. At the same time, what good is a Master’s degree if it’s not in a field I want to stick with? I guess I could always go back for another–a second Master’s degree, though–the thought of even applying for a PhD program is paralyzing.

I keep thinking about how awesome it would be to just up and move somewhere for the summer. And the more I think about it, the more I feel like it might actually happen. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, but I guess I just never thought I’d actually have the means. Now that I do, I feel like, why the hell not? And what better time?

I’ve been contemplating:

Maine,

or Hawaii,

or both? Again, it’s about being afraid of regretting things I didn’t do. And it’s one thing to not do something because I can’t…and an entirely different thing to not do something because it’s easier to do something else.

This all makes no sense.

Risk vs. outcome, and investment vs. reward, though–that kind of does.