Getting back into the swing of things. I had my first class towards my Master’s degree tonight and felt incredibly out of place. The majority of my peers in the class have varying degrees of teaching experience and spoke in what might as well have been an entirely different language. During the class break, I admitted to my professor that I don’t know if I ever plan on teaching writing; that I’m interested in the idea of it, but I don’t know if I can ever see myself actually doing it. I feel a little better now that I have talked to him about that and met another girl in my class who is in the Professional Writing concentration of my program, but taking the teaching class as an elective. The way I see it, even if I end up deciding against the Teaching of Writing concentration (which I really ought to get figured out soon), I will always be interested in how we are taught to write and the challenges teachers face; the struggle to get people invested in writing, to show its value both inside and outside of the classroom, to take on multiple roles (responder, editor, grader) and strike some sort of balance between the three. I have a huge deal of respect for people who do this for a living. I just don’t know if it’s for me.

Then again, I don’t know much of anything anymore. This time last year was about when I officially decided to apply for grad. school. Before that, the only thing really keeping me from applying was my paranoia over having to take out more student loans. Now that my school’s all paid for and the school year has started, I don’t know if I really want to be there. Funny how that happens. I know it’s way too early to make any judgment calls one way or the other and maybe as I get into my other classes and back to tutoring I will feel differently, but school just doesn’t feel like a priority right now. My mind drifts. I’ve never felt such a disconnect, but I’ve never felt so sure about other aspects of my life. I guess that’s the conflict…

Now what?