So I used to be able to keep myself occupied, but ever since I started working full time, I’ve had way too much time on my hands. It’s a weird thing for me to leave the office for the day around 4 or 5 and to have no obligations for the rest of the night. I’m so used to being in school and always having a million things I should be doing.
At first, it was nice…but lately I’ve had a hard time keeping myself occupied. I’ve been getting better…but it’s still weird. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and trying to figure out why it is that I feel like I always need to be doing something or going somewhere with someone. I think a good chunk of it has to do with what I wrote above, but to a greater extent it’s the fact that I don’t know how to exist on my own. What a weird thing to realize.
But really. Since I was fifteen (with the exception of a few months here and there), I’ve had someone in my life I was infatuated with. I’m really good at that (I’m also good at sporadically deciding otherwise…but that’s another story). I get way too dependent on other people. I realized it today; I’ve always had someone else there.
So I was writing at work today and making this realization and trying to figure out what the hell I ever did with myself/how I ever had a life when I was on my own before. Granted, I was like fourteen…but still. I would write (still do) and create and blog. Writing is creating, but I’m thinking more along the lines of pencil/paper/paint. I do so much writing as it is for school/work/myself that I need another creative outlet. I guess I also hung out with friends, but back then I was lucky enough that all my friends went to school with me or at least lived in the same city. Not so much the case anymore. If I want to see any of them, it’s a 35 minute drive one way…
But anyway, I’m going to try and do more of that stuff. I’ve also (to some extent) taken up jogging. It’s kind of nice to live in a neighborhood where you can do so without fearing for your life, so hopefully I can keep up with that come fall because who knows where I’ll be living then.
As a disclaimer, this is all not to say that I’m not still totally infatuated with someone right now…circumstances are just a bit different this time around, is all.
This past weekend, I went to Six Flags Great America. Got to check out X Flight, which was pretty awesome. I want to say that it’s slightly more impressive than Wild Eagle at Dollywood, but I feel like maybe I shouldn’t compare the two because I only experienced Wild Eagle front seat/X Flight back seat. Probably two totally different experiences.
Anyway, my trip this past weekend must have been the third or fourth time I’ve passed through Chicago in the past few years and not taken the time to stop and visit the city itself. I had planned on getting dinner with a friend there on my way back yesterday night, but a combination of me being exhausted from two days of coaster-riding and losing an hour on the way back made me opt out. I’m kind of regretting it now. Haven’t been to Chicago since I was thirteen? Fourteen? I’m sure it’d be a much different experience now.
Still, driving through the city last night at sunset, I really wished I had the time to stop and get some pictures. Maybe walk around Navy Pier again. The sunset was so pretty and it was minutes away from a downpour–those awesome couple of minutes where there are flashes of lightning in the sky but the sun is still peaking through the clouds. I miss big cities like San Fran and New York and Chicago. I could never live in one (though I kind of like the idea of it), but I am completely awestruck by them. Maybe that’s why I have this weird fascination with Ann Arbor. To me, it’s like a mini-big city, if that makes any sense.
Things I want to remember from the past couple of days:
- Today: finding an old CD I must have burned five years ago. I thought there was no way it would still play (it was scratched like crazy), but on the way home from work I decided to give it a try. A couple of songs skipped, but all my favorites played perfectly fine. It made my day. That was my favorite CD from around the time before my sister was born.
- The Chicago skyline…again.
- Getting to spend the weekend with a fantastic person, and getting to see meet up with a friend for a little while.
- Feeling more genuinely happy than I have in…I don’t know how long.
I’m gonna try to start taking more pictures…